Stay in joy
Firstly, my apologies for it being almost two months since I last published a blog. Life has seriously been that busy- and trust me, for me to not be writing consistently, you can believe life was very full!
Within that two months, there have been many sudden changes and unexpected extras to deal with, walk through and negotiate. Some of these were a shock and involved a large mindset change to manage well. I can’t always say I did manage the changes well but on the most part, I think I did okay.
Okay is good enough
As I always say to clients, and myself, okay is good enough, and what we aim for is better more often than not, so I can say I did do okay.
One of the biggest challenges through this period of busyness and change was to stay in joy. Worry, and the fear of the unknown, and stress, often tried (and sometimes succeeded) to steal my joy, but it was so much harder to cope when it did, and nothing helpful came from that position of fear.
And the fear made sense. I had plenty of reasons to feel fear, I wasn’t being ridiculous. If just wasn’t helpful. And it didn’t change anything at all- particularly not for the better.
We often feel fear for a reason, but there’s never a reason to fear
I had a choice. Many choices. To make over and over. I could choose to sit in fear and worry, and think about all the reasons I had to be afraid. Or I could choose to walk through fear and choose to remain in joy. We can’t do both. We either sit in fear or walk through it. Fear stagnates us. Joy moves us forward.
My husband and I recently celebrated our fifteen year wedding anniversary. Fifteen years! As a shop assistant commented, “that’s a real big deal. That’s a long time. Congratulations!” It is a big deal.
I read on a fellow bloggers post a few months ago, her fear at navigating her current relationship based on the disasters of her previous ones and also in comparison to the example of a relationship her parents gave her. It negatively impacted her so much that she had concluded to never be married due to what she saw marriage as representing, or not representing. This was my response to her post: (and I write this with no disrespect intended to my parents, all has been walked through and forgiven from me to them, and I’m sure they’d speak about their previous marriage in a similar way, as the reason it ended).
The secret to my successful marriage is no secret. I’ll happily tell anyone, and get to in relationship counselling in my clinic. My marriage isn’t mine. It’s mine and my husbands’. It takes both of our commitment to the other, to e courage and love each other towards a better version of ourselves. To design our marriage as we desire it to be. To choose over and over each other at the expense of all else. And I can honestly say we are more in love today than ever before- and this five day trip away without our four kids has certainly helped us remind each other of why we are still choosing to love each other.
Joy is found in love. There is no fear in love.
There is nothing like the true joy that is found in love. From a place of being loved. And love in its purest form has no room for fear, only joy.
Yo may be a long way past the last time you truly felt joyful, or loved. I’m sorry. As I said, it takes both people to be equally as committed as the other to choosing love. There is great vulnerability in that, when the other person makes a different choice. My heart honestly breaks for previous relationships that have ended for you, and more so, for current relationships where the couple can’t remember the last time they were truly happy.
Let me encourage you, there is no damage that can’t be undone. Healing is possible. Whether in the relationship together or deciding to end it. You can be healed.
Please don’t give up on love. But more than that, please don’t allow the lie to plant that you are unloveable.
You are loveable. You are worthy of love.
It is possible to refind your position of joy. You can walk through fear and find your position of being joyful and being in love with yourself and your life and those you choose to have in it.
Here’s to staying in joy, regardless of the circumstances, despite the fear.