For as long as I can remember I have hated confined spaces, to the point I freak out if I get stuck in my head hole of a jumper- where I don’t wear turtle necks, rarely wear jumpers that are pull on, and as soon as I get home from work, remove any clothes that are too restrictive in favour of my slouchies (@travellingkimono – get some- seriously comfy pants!), and can’t even wear shoes for long! Extreme, right?!
Funnily enough, and also ironically, I also hate wide open spaces, hate being ‘in the middle of nowhere’ when it is not on the edge of a map- as in literally a coast line, and hate the feeling of being too far away from where I started.
To give another irony of mine, I hate silence and darkness, but also hate when things are too bright and too loud for too long. I hate being too busy that I can’t rest, but hate having too much rest time when I don’t have enough to do with that down time. I love being organised and have things planned but work better when the deadline is looming. I am careful in weighing up possibilities when making a decision, but once I make one, I am not easily swayed to unmake it and I often make huge life-changing decisions in a moment. I get annoyed with small talk and love depth of conversation when people elaborate on who they are, yet I rarely share mine for fear of being misunderstood, so often answer in closed statements.
Another irony I have found is in regards to rest. We too often think of resting as ‘being lazy’, and don’t allow ourselves to take a moment just to breathe, to be. Yet we constantly complain about how tired we are, that we are too busy, have too much to do, that we ‘never get a moment to ourselves’.
Anyone who has chatted to me for more than ten minutes knows my passion is for life. I do mean in regards to choosing to live, be alive, suicide prevention… but I also mean in regards to living.
That being alive is not enough…we need to choose to live.
And what does living look like?
It looks like being present, having fun, going on adventures, being surrounded by loved ones, experiencing new things and places, being content with where you are while chasing your wildest dreams, designing your life how you desire it to be, seeking a fulfilment of your heart’s desires. That sounds like living to me! That’s life freedom.
But I’m also about balance. Because anything to the extreme is not helpful.
True living involves a sense of peace, contentment, a knowing you are enough, being in control of your thoughts and your emotions, being free to choose to walk towards your ideal self. That’s mind freedom.
An often overlooked part of life is rest. I think it’s overlooked because of built-in, repeated statements like ‘Rest in peace’, which we only say as a condolence at funerals or inscribed on grave stones.
I’d like my grave inscription to say: “She lived in peace”!
What if we didn’t need to wait until death to be resting in peace. What if we could live in peace.
So many people I work with, who are suicidal, have almost convinced themselves that the only peace available to them is after death. They believe they are unable to find peace here. Because they have been trying to their whole lives….!
What if that is the problem. What if, the trying is the reason we haven’t yet found peace. As in, peace is found in the stillness.
The opening picture in this blog is the idea of See peace. I was journaling a while ago and wrote ‘seek peace’ and almost immediately was led to cross out the ‘k’.
Peace is seen not sought.
The concept is that peace exists. It is therefore to be seen rather than sought. That it is in the absence of seeking that peace is found. It is within a sense of stillness rather than busyness, a sense of being rather than doing, a seeing rather than seeking…peace can be found here.
This blog goes well with the above referenced previous blog (see pic). Peace, stillness, a knowing, a belief, a truth… are all found in love.
Knowing you are loved, believing you are worthy of love, loving yourself, resting from a place of love…this is where peace exists.
A really common fear experienced by people who have an over-active mind is they fear the stillness for what it leads their mind to do, and stay busy and distracted to avoid the screams they hear when all else is silent.
You may have smiled knowingly as that rang true for you. I know I do it myself sometimes. We avoid what we fear. We fear the unknown. What if there was a way to face it. To see it. To challenge it being there. What if we could withhold our permission and ask it to leave if it no longer serves us in a helpful way…?! There is. We can. For the sake of finding peace here, we need to.
- I have spoken about silencing unanswerable questions previously on the blog- you are welcome to look it up after this one- which is a huge relief to over-active minds full of these questions. In a nut shell, you answer the question with whatever you find silences it in that moment, rather than trying to find the answer, as it doesn’t actually exist. You create your own truth.
- Our mind is actually trying to be helpful. The next step is to realise this. Your mind is amazing. It has acted on your behalf thousands of times over, trying to help you, trying to protect you. It’s about working with your mind rather than against it. It’s a position of honour towards your mind for the help it has given you. When we stop fighting with our mind, it will stop fighting back. The end of that battle is the fastest way to find peace. Peace can’t be found during war.
- The next step is to understand your own mind. How does it work, what do you think, what’s the content of your mind, what do you believe? When we have silenced the unanswerable questions, honour and work with our mind, we no longer fear it as we know it’s trying to help us. It’s a working with to understand, not a fighting against to change. When the purpose is solely understanding, our mind will let us in. The easiest way to abolish fear of the unknown is to look at it and see it for what it is. It’s a turning on of a light: a scary shadow in a room is nothing to be afraid of in the light.
- Once you understand your mind and have worked out the beliefs you hold, you can work out their purpose- Why are they there? Do I need them still? Are they still helpful? We have a whole section within Reminded therapy for this: watch out for the webinar series on this coming soon, or book in for a session for this specifically- it is easier to be shown how to do it so you can keep doing it yourself (in clinic or on Skype).
- The final step (I know, there’s only 5- it’s easy huh!) is to challenge truths that no longer serve you. If they have become unhelpful or unnecessary, you can remove your permission and ask them to go. You can replace them with something more helpful and with something you consciously choose.
When we remove the reasons for fear, our heart is free and our mind finds peace. When we are stuck in the past hurts, afraid to face our fears, still carry a broken heart, or fear our own ability to be loved, we are tormented with these heart beliefs and our mind is tormented.
Rest in peace can be found here.
So today, be encouraged:
You have permission to rest, be still, breathe, take a moment to still your mind, let your thoughts pass by one by one as just a thought, don’t judge your mind or the content of it, just acknowledge it and pass it by. Speak truth over yourself, out loud, right now, go ahead…
I am doing okay.
I am capable.
Everything will be alright.
I am lovable. I can choose to love. I love well.
Thank you mind for working on my behalf. I honour you. Help me understand you and work with you.
Give me some relief. Slow yourself. I need to rest. Being still is necessary for my health.
I choose to give myself permission to rest. I desire peace. Peace can be found here.
I am worthy of love.
Towards peace here,